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20

Feb

Don’t Know What’ll Help

It just seems like I can try as I may and in the end still be insufficient. It feels like every day I’m a step closer to losing her through what appears to be no fault of my own. I don’t know if that’s the case of not, but I seem to be the one who is ignored through all of this, nobody else. Why do I have to suffer? I get criticized for not making time when I’m always trying. A weeknight of going out could always be sacrificed to skype with your boyfriend. So much of it just hurts so bad. I would walk home to prove a point and make it work, but I always feel like my efforts just go wholly unnoticed and not appreciated. I don’t know if I’m not wanted anymore or what, but it really feels like it, like I’m being pushed away to the point of making a break of it that can be partially blamed on me. If I try to make too much contact I’m going to be too clingy, if I let myself get pushed away I don’t want it enough. I pray at night to make things be okay and I don’t know what I’m doing to make it anything less than that. It’s all I want. I know what makes me happy and what is worth fighting for.